Role Reversal

WARNING: This post contains the "F" word and a whole lot of anger. Tread cautiously if you dare to continue.

Technically I am no longer a teenager. I accept that, I understand that. I have a responsibility to act more mature, more adult in mindset. There will be times when I will fall back on teenage irrationality, rebelliousness, and my old tendency to lash out. That's to be expected; I'm still in a transitional phase.

When you hit forty, you shouldn't be in that transitional phase.

I believe when you've gone past thirty, you should definitely be acting your age. You're not old, but you are older. You've long since passed into adulthood. You should certainly be acting like it.

And despite all this, something is seriously amiss.

Someone in my life, someone who is over forty, is acting like a teenager. She talks about men in her life, how she's falling for them, how some are just so mean about standing her up. 

She talks about them to me. She thinks I should be old enough to listen. I certainly am, but here's the thing; she's not young enough to be complaining to me about them. That's MY job. I'm twenty years old. I'm young enough where man troubles are supposed to bother me, and I'm supposed to tell HER about them. It is NOT supposed to be the other way around. 

My head banging targed.

I get that men can be troublesome. I get that they grate on a female's nerves and psyche SOMETIMES. But for God's sake. Be an adult. Grow up. I'm tired of playing the role that YOU'RE supposed to have. I'm tired of being YOUR mother. I have guy troubles too, but you won't even listen to me anymore. So I don't bother telling you. I've been keeping it bottled up for a while, and although that's natural to me, it's not supposed to be. I've been listening to the man troubles you have for quite some time. And today I finally told you to stop.

You guilt tripped me. You made me feel bad when I told you that I didn't want to be the ONLY adult in the  house. (Of course, I didn't say it that way, I hinted that it was strange to have our roles switched on us.) And you put on the puppy eyes and the sad voice.

What the fuck.

Even you? Even YOU'RE pulling that move on me? When you keep telling me not to listen when others do it, you turn around and use it against me, knowing exactly the kind of effect it has? You would make me feel bad about myself for saying that? What the fuck. 

I had to draw another butterfly today. Because the last thing I said to you was, "It's these kinds of things that make me wish I was just...done." And I wanted it all to be done. I still do, but that butterfly is stopping me. 

But seriously, what the fuck. I still feel like the adult in the house dealing with a teenage mom. I don't know. Is there any way  around this? Is there any way to either A) get the message across and discuss it like two adults or B) just be able to take it and shut up about it? I don't even know. I'm sick of drawing butterflies because of someone else's misplaced teenage tendencies. If you were one of my young friends, I'd understand. But you're not. You're my mother. And you just keep making me feel bad when I want you to act like it. It's not fair. 


Also, I would ask if you are reading this, please don't pass this on to the person I wrote it about. I'm not looking for a fight, I'm looking for a way to express my irritation. I needed to tell someone. I don't need this person to read this. Please be respectful.